everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
