Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
