I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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