dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
