He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
