At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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