Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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