apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's never too late to be topless.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
