Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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