AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
