I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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