your thong is hanging out like whoa
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Mom said you looked used
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
