seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize