Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
