I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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