i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Still dying that you shit outside
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
