I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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