so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
