Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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