when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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