you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
