You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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