Need sex. Gaining weight.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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