I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
