At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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