why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
