I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
