i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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