hotel room ftw
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
