and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sober January is a disaster.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Someone came in the potted fern
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
