She is in my trunk
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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