I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
