I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
