Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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