I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
