garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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