I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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