She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
