I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
