Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
