yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
