i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
