Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I AM VODKA MAN
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have post one night stand depression
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize