I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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