Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
