I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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