I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Are these your boobs on my camera?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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