So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
