Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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