I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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