I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
