so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
