what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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