is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
