She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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