our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
