I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
