My underwear smells like fireworks.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
