My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
