You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
