I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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