she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
