yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
