if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
