I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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