Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I want is dick and wine.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
