question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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