you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
