I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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