Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
