i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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