If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
