It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
