Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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