I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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