I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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