I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
