He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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