if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
