That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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