k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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