Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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