I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
