I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
