He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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