If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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